after all these years of self-reflection, i still struggle with attachment. i was hoping to get some commentary going from other people with Cancer Moons because i think that if left to my own devices i will continue to make excuses for my behavior. it's like i'm so attached to being attached that i can't seem to change.

i recently moved out of the house i shared with my kids' father. he left after what was left of our relationship was blown to bits by his revenge. (he's a double-scorpio). It was an enormous undertaking for me to go through everything we'd hoarded in that home by myself. We had lots of art materials, building materials, stuff from our past and the kids' stuff, plus a lot of things his family gave us when they downsized from their 4 bedroom home. Over the course of 4 weeks, i went through two garages, a house and an art studio, forcing myself to get rid of things i'd been dragging from house to house over the past 7 years. It was a cleansing process to say the least, and one that brought to light many attachments beyond just the physical property. I have heard that Cancer Moon people tend to be pack-rats. I consider myself a recovering pack-rat. I left behind or got rid of perhaps 1/3 of my belongings. Fortunately the landlord told me that since he was demolishing the house, i could just leave anything we didn't want.

Once i freed myself of that stuff and worked through the emotions that came up as i found things that brought up memories of happier times together, i wanted to turn away and never look back. I was told that the house was to be demolished within days of our departure, which was June 27th. Today i stopped by to pick up my mail and found that the house is still standing and all of the stuff is still there. I felt a tearing feeling in my heart when i discovered this, similar to the way i felt when i found out that my college boyfriend had moved out here shortly after i did. I'd done some serious work on myself to let go of that relationship and once i was free of it, i was ready to start clean. Finding out that he was here made me a little bit queasy. I knew that i would not be able to stay away. We ended up back together for another year or so before the same problems resurfaced and we finally broke up for good.

Now i am having the worst time letting go of my kids' father. I love him so deeply and am so sorry for what i contributed to our problems that i just can't seem to peel the memories off of my heart. I wanted to drive by and see my house in a pile of rubble. i look forward to the day that the bulldozer comes to take all of our past away to the dump and hope that i am able to do some similar emotional cleansing. People tell me that it's useless to wallow in sorrow, but it is such an old habit i don't know how to break it. For our home to no longer exist will drive the coffin nails in once and for all and hopefully allow me to start over. But i do wonder why it is that i can't seem to let go without something profoundly symbolic like this happening to me. I feel helpless sometimes when it comes to my emotions.

I imagine at least a few of you can relate to the plague of attachment on one level or another. How do you deal with it? How does it affect your relationships? and have any of you found a partner who complements your Cancer Moon in a supportive way? I know that Cancer sun signs are a good match for Cancer Moon people, but for some reason i've been kind of bored with Cancer men after the initial courting. I'm not really looking to get involved with anyone for a long time, but by the time i do, i want to have made some progress emotionally so i don't make the same mistakes i've made with my former lovers.

thank you all for being there.
love
m7