you asked for it

topic posted Thu, July 21, 2005 - 3:29 AM by  gothalicious
Yes, Im a cancer, and I'm here to vent., unload, blah...
I am a 29 yo bi-polar mom of 3, and currently having serious anxiety attacks.
So here goes.
*I have a broken wrist and just got my cast off. One of the bones that broke has collapsed, which means I have to have a surgery (in 2 weeks)called an osteotomy which requires a bone grapht (sp?) and possibly metal as well. I cant use it, i cant even turn my palm up enough to hold a quarter. It hurts all the time. And Im in front of a puter for work. I can't do my own dishes without breaking them.
*I have asthma.
*I have cervical cancer which I just found out is no longer in remission.
*My health insurance just ended and I no longer qualify (cause I make a whole $1600 a month with 3 kids) for the state subsidized insurance and i have none at all right now. Which sucks considering the above.
* I also have two broken ribs which hurt quite a bit.
*I'm a chronic insomniac.
*I have a job where I cant get enuf hours to make a good living.
*Because of the next year of surgeries for me, my 3 daughters are moving in with their asshole father.
*My mom is an alcoholic, and inflicts it upon me.
*I dont have a car. Im cool w/ public transport except that its hard to shop for 5 people while taking a bus with a broken wing.
*My dad has a business and I drive about 50 miles once or twice a week to do his books, but he's not making any real money so I dont want to charge him but I feel like I have to do it.
*The guy I love doesnt come home from work till between 10 and 11 every night. It sucks.
*Said guy sits in front of a puter all day, but is too busy to even bother to comunicate with me via IM thru the day. So Im basically alone.
*One of my daughters is 13, and not doing great in school.
*One is 10, and one is 6.
*My ex husband is a freak, and not in a good way.
*I took a break from school, now I cant go back for another year because of the health stuff.
*The boyfriend I never see is now working on the side for my somewhat infantile and petulant boss.
Thats all i can think of right now. I need a hug.
posted by:
SF Bay Area
  • What do you have that you love, dear darling?

    If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, I have some affirmations you can say and some activities you can do.

    1. "I am capable of making change in my life."
    Experience your creativity in a new way - fingerpaint with your kids.

    2. "I will know what I want, and I will create what I want."
    Speak what's on your mind, tell the people in your life what you
    want from life.

    3. "I am greatful for being who I am."
    Look in the mirror and love yourself every day.

    4. "I choose where my attention is."
    Before you go to bed at night, ask yourself if there is something that
    you should have done before you went to bed. If the answer is yes,
    get up and do it. If it's no, know that you have done everything you
    can today and sleep easy.

    Overall, it sounds like you feel you're the victim of a cruel world. I'm here to bear the wonderful, and terrible, news that you're absolutely not. The current state of our lives, including our physical body, is the result of our thoughts and our choices. Although this can seem to give us unbearable responsibility, it also gives us tremendous freedom!

    The thoughts in your head have to come out, and if you don't act upon them to make changes in the physical world, they'll just come right out through your body. Hence the broken bones, the asthma, and the cancer. The last two are signs of procrastination and self-hate, respectively. If you want to get rid of your cancer, love yourself. A way that I've learned how to do this is to treat myself like I would treat my best friend (which I don't really have, but I can imagine). If your friend told you a terrible secret that she'd been holding on to for years and felt she deserved a hanging for, you'd tell her that she should let go of the past and put it behind her, right? Give yourself the same love. You're all you've got, love, and it's high time you stood up and created what you want in the world.

    Cancer is the sign of imagination. The positive side of this is creating anything you want in the world because of your expansive vision. The negative side is hating every about yourself and the world because it doesn't match your vision. The difference between these two is action.

    If you do take anything from this message with you, let it be this:
    Speak your Truth, Act your Truth, Be your Truth.

    You have my loving support, and my full faith!

    Love and Light,
  • Unsu...
    I'm going in for some words. If I hear some ailments, I like to give advice and pretend I'm your doctor and advisor.

    If you have cancer, you should clean up the apartment and keep it clean. Serious, not one indoor smoke or let someone who recently had a smoke come around. Just keep it clean and full of oxygen.

    If you can afford it, get a skateboard wrist guard for letting your new bone heal. A similar but not as effective one can be found in the drug store. Spend time with it on and spend time with it off.

    Eat food. Eat three meals a day. Spend money on healthy things. Eat until full until the point you must sit still. These goals obviously require money and effort but you have to get closer to them by the increment.

    See what state insurance you can get on with a phone call or two if any. Otherwise, rely on the emergency room and keep a lot of bills in an honorary folder at home.

    Get two or three rolls of ace bandages and wrap your ribs, not too tight, and use the clips. This will give a little bit of relief but you can't walk around a lot. As far as I know, with broken ribs, pain is the standard. Eventually you will evolve into this tough chitinous thing where muscle and cartliage help whats left of the ribs.

    Under the moon of cancer,

    • just a tip that not a lot of people know. back in good ol consumer ed class i learned that medical bills are the one type of bill that can NOT be placed on your credit report so long as you are *making and effort to pay*. this *effort to pay* can be as little as $1.00 per month. but you MUST send them the $1.00 per month. if you miss a payment, they will put it right on your credit report. now, don't get me wrong, you will have bill collectors calling and harassing you - and you will get steady bills and threats of reporting you on your credit report. but if you can see past all that - it does work.

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